i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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