Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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