I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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