I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
