I faked an abortion last night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
