I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
