from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
