yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
