we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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