i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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