Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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