I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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