im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
