I think I won the penis lottery.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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