You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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