alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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