I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
