Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
