She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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