I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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