I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I forgot wine drunk hurts
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
