when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
