I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
