I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
