you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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