You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
