we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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