Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
