a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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