OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
