i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?