Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am one with the molecules
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
