Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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