i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
