dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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