Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
