i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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