He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you would pick up someone in the library
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
