I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
