you guys were way drunker than both of me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
