if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My Sexting was not on an AP level
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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