By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's the barista slut.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
