there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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