Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
