dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
