Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
