hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
