can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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