she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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