I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
