The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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