I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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