halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
