Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
