the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
50% drunk capacity currently
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
