planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
