Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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