soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
