Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
