There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
