You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
