literally had 100 drinks last night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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