She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
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I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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