I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
