Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
