yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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