i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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