Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
