Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
