if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
