if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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