I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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