During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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