worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
