So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
